Random things I’ve heard or read over the years seem to be loosely floating around in my head waiting for me to interact with them. When I finally do, I see them or the message behind them everywhere I look. As is the case with: “Everyone you meet is the main character of their own book”. I’m not sure where I first heard it or when but it resonated with me enough to be subconsciously logged in the ethos of my brain. As I reflect on this saying I feel I need to add to it to maximize it’s effect. “…and you’re probably not in it” is my way of clarifying the message for those in the back of the room who need to hear it most.
This saying, even in the most narcissistic people, should elicit a sense of empathy for others. Narcissism is a word I feel needs to be talked about more often in todays world as its at the root of many of our social issues. “It’s not all about you” is another, more blunt way to have this conversation but like many subjects in life today in order to actually have a conversation we have to soften up the delivery, even disguise it completely, or wrap it in literary bubble wrap.
A less cynical way to look at this is that sometimes people need a different view of the same landscape. For example if I were looking at a skyscraper from the seat of an airplane positioned straight above it I would have a way different view and perspective of the building than a person standing on the ground 10 feet away looking straight up at it. Same building 2 wildly different view points. Being able to know the person on the ground is seeing the same thing in a different way is the first step to creating empathy. Many times to get to that point we first need to bubble wrap the delivery as is the case with the title of this post.
Use this post to try to gain this different perspective, not in a skyscraper but in how we view our everyday interactions with people.
A good book relates most, if not everything back to the main character. Every subplot, story line, seemingly obsolete detail, and interaction all relates to them. This is a great frame work for books as it keeps you invested in the main character and it never lets them get too far out of the audiences view. To use the blunt phrase again, in the book “it’s all about them”. Some main characters are vein, egotistical, and have a lot to work on. Throughout the book though they evolve, mature, and become better versions of themselves. The heroes journey as it were. Everyone you meet is the main character of their own book and we have no idea what chapter they are on. We can be sure that they are going through one stage of development or another though as the book is still being written.
This pertains to you as well. We are all the main characters of our own book. This mentality is not all negative as it turns out, it is an evolutionary byproduct of survival. We can’t feed our family, protect our children, or build a community if we don’t take care of ourselves first. The point of this post is to acknowledge it so that we may view the world and the people around us with more empathy and be able to remove ourselves and our ego from a lot of interactions.
Look inside your own book. As the main character everything is about you. How many people that you interact with on a daily basis even have a line of dialogue in your book? Who has their own subplot, a small mention, or any spark of relevance as it pertains to you and your book? You’ll find that not many people even appear in it at all.
Realize this is how you exist, or don’t exist in their book. Everyone is the main character of their own book, and you’re probably not in it. Don’t take this personally. Realize as the main character of your book you do the same thing and it’s not personal for you. A small step away from your ego is a big step towards empathy and in my experience highly empathetic people are rarely stressed and are generally happier.
Everyone you meet is the main character of their own book, and you’re probably not in it.
Use this quick and easy mental framework to remove yourself and your ego from everyday interactions and you’ll be amazed at how much stress can be lifted off your shoulders and as a result you just may find yourself to be a little bit happier.
I love this.